Another day, another blog
So for years I ve been busy with baseball, work, relationships and never really found time to do what i want to do. I was never really able to stay in touch with friends, so one october morning i woke up and realized, i m out of options.
I m now looking at job options, looking at options for my life, looking at where my friends have gone, how my relationships have come and gone and am left emptyhanded.
So for the first time in my life I m saying no to things...its a weird feeling and its not an easy phase right now, but I think it might help me re-focus what i should be doing with my life.
For the first time in years I m actually tryin to find new music out there and its actually givin me such an uplift. it seems like for a couple of hours at least all my worries are less of a burden and then i ll have baseball practice tonight and I m not coaching or anything, i m just playin around, jokin around with the guys, just takin a step back, sittin back, watching and having a good time.
Man its been a while. now i met my best friend last night, i m probably goin out next week for the first time in months and i m pondering going on a trip for new years.... i guess i m doing what "normal people" my age would be doing and it feels good....maybe i ve tried to hard....expected too much from myself....or maybe it was expecting too much from life, thinking that its this big huge task you have to master and fulfill, when really all you need to do is just live day by day and take in what you can.
here is a quote for you guys, i just came across, which in so many ways is true:
Why? I ll tell you why. Cause the Red Sox never let you down. Thats right. I mean - why? Because they havent won a World Series in a century? So what? They re here. Everye April, they are here. At 1:05 or 7:05 there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what, they ll make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox dont get divorced. They are a real family. They are the family thats here for you.
Sonntag, 8. November 2009
Mittwoch, 4. November 2009
Should I stay or should I go
The day you try to change it all..........
So bloggin, huh? Weird.... You write down your thoughts for everyone in the world to see. Private ones though. It seems like you dont care, cause no one will read them anyways, but then again maybe people do. I m just feeling blue today and I have a moment of weakness I guess, So I ll just do it anyways ;P
So yes. Right now I m at the crossroads. Should I stay or should I go (job). Well I should definately test the market and see whats out there, but then I dont have the motivation to do so.
well I guess I ll have a couple of weeks to think about it, as I m currently employed, even though pay sucks ;P
Should I stay or should I go (relationships). I m not in a relationship, but I m torn between comitting or holding back. I want to but then on the other hand I m scared. I dont wanna hurt anyone ever again and I dont wanna be hurt either. The problem is I m not even sure I ve I ll ever be ready for one. well again I might have time to think about it over and over again. I just dont want to kind of fall into one, as that has happened before, where i didnt really want a relationship, but because i felt lonely i just pursued someone. So yes I ll try to be strong and not fall for anything like that.
Should I stay or should I go (friends). I ve been out of touch with a lot of friends. I ve tried to reconnect with a couple and its actually really nice to see them or at least hear from them. then its hard to keep in touch with all of them cause its so many and I m busy a lot of times.
Should I stay or should I go (baseball). Well its not really about going here...but I m thinkin if i should step down from all my responsibilities, cause they ve taken a high toll on me, personally, emotionally and physically. And I m really burned out about it. I have small things to do now, as its the off-season and I cant seem to finish all of it off. Well it might be better once the season gets around. It was good to have practice last weekend and see some of the guys, even though not a lot showed up, but what do you expect ;)
Should I stay or should I go (family). I m 28 years, about to turn 29 and still livin at home. Yes its the comfort, its the lack of salary (even though i could probably easily live some place), but i might have to drop some luxuary and i m home alone all the time anyways. I guess thats part of why i havent moved out. Sometimes its good to have people around, even though they seem like strangers to me and i dont talk to them really. but at least they are there. Still I should be movin out.
So thats just some random thoughts going through my head. of course there is plenty more....
losing friends.....
losing family......
losing my job....
having a crash.....
health getting worse.....
being lonely.....
being all alone when i m old.....
hurting people......
being taken advantage of and hurt..
oh my this blog has been way to depressive. i promise to make it more upbeat next time, after all i should be enjoyin the moments in life that make me smile =)
So bloggin, huh? Weird.... You write down your thoughts for everyone in the world to see. Private ones though. It seems like you dont care, cause no one will read them anyways, but then again maybe people do. I m just feeling blue today and I have a moment of weakness I guess, So I ll just do it anyways ;P
So yes. Right now I m at the crossroads. Should I stay or should I go (job). Well I should definately test the market and see whats out there, but then I dont have the motivation to do so.
well I guess I ll have a couple of weeks to think about it, as I m currently employed, even though pay sucks ;P
Should I stay or should I go (relationships). I m not in a relationship, but I m torn between comitting or holding back. I want to but then on the other hand I m scared. I dont wanna hurt anyone ever again and I dont wanna be hurt either. The problem is I m not even sure I ve I ll ever be ready for one. well again I might have time to think about it over and over again. I just dont want to kind of fall into one, as that has happened before, where i didnt really want a relationship, but because i felt lonely i just pursued someone. So yes I ll try to be strong and not fall for anything like that.
Should I stay or should I go (friends). I ve been out of touch with a lot of friends. I ve tried to reconnect with a couple and its actually really nice to see them or at least hear from them. then its hard to keep in touch with all of them cause its so many and I m busy a lot of times.
Should I stay or should I go (baseball). Well its not really about going here...but I m thinkin if i should step down from all my responsibilities, cause they ve taken a high toll on me, personally, emotionally and physically. And I m really burned out about it. I have small things to do now, as its the off-season and I cant seem to finish all of it off. Well it might be better once the season gets around. It was good to have practice last weekend and see some of the guys, even though not a lot showed up, but what do you expect ;)
Should I stay or should I go (family). I m 28 years, about to turn 29 and still livin at home. Yes its the comfort, its the lack of salary (even though i could probably easily live some place), but i might have to drop some luxuary and i m home alone all the time anyways. I guess thats part of why i havent moved out. Sometimes its good to have people around, even though they seem like strangers to me and i dont talk to them really. but at least they are there. Still I should be movin out.
So thats just some random thoughts going through my head. of course there is plenty more....
losing friends.....
losing family......
losing my job....
having a crash.....
health getting worse.....
being lonely.....
being all alone when i m old.....
hurting people......
being taken advantage of and hurt..
oh my this blog has been way to depressive. i promise to make it more upbeat next time, after all i should be enjoyin the moments in life that make me smile =)
Abonnieren
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